Today Target Made Me Cry

The first nail in the coffin of my weight loss was having to pack my kitchen for the move. Thus entered Way Too Much Fast Food. Then I moved and my stress level was through the stratosphere the last two months and I've been insanely busy and I'm just now starting to breathe well enough to start to be able to take care of me. I've not gone to any of my Weight Watchers meetings since we moved b/c I knew if I was tracking points then I'd have to stop stress eating and I couldn't afford to not stress eat b/c I couldn't do any of my healthy stress options b/c my top 4 ways to deal w/ my stress in POSITIVE ways are:

1. Work Out
2. Garden
3. Make Jewelry
4. Hang out with Girlfriends

And I've been either too busy or too broke to do any of the above! So I've been eating (b/c it was that or have a complete break down and cease to function). This is the problem with a food addiction. The second I stop tracking every damn thing that goes in my mouth, its like an alcoholic going on a bender. And I know its so bad and I hate like hell that I have gained so much weight. I've gained back everything I lost when I was pregnant. I'm 9 pounds away from my heaviest weight ever.

The state of my mental health can best be described as: Not Good.

So I'm trying to stop it. I'm trying to make healthier choices. I've been praying hard. I NEED to exercise. I realized my only pair of tennis shoes was literally coming apart at the seams so I finally spent some of my stashed birthday money and got my first new pair in over 10 years. But my joints are hurting so badly from the extra weight and I'm so badly out of shape from being on bed rest forever with this pregnancy that I really feel like I need to start out in the water.

Problem: I can't find my stupid swimsuit anywhere. I can't figure out what happened to it. Crap. I remember seeing that bag and going "We are going to want these for sure and soon" and then I think I put them "some place safe" which means we may never see them again.... *head desk* Well, my suit was 3 years old anyways and starting to look a little ragged in the hindquarters, I should just get a new one.

So given my delicate mental state atm, I pep talked myself into going swim suit shopping. Alone. With nobody for moral support. But if I waited for moral support it would take even longer. I told myself its not going to be that bad, I will just go to Target, I got my last 3 swim suits there. Odds are it will be fine and I can find something and just try not to cry too much when you look in the mirror in the dressing room.

So then I get to Target. And I start looking. There's a huge swim suit section. Its the size of my living room! Sweet! ... except its all skinny people sized. Crap. Okay, lets find the women's section.

So I go find the Plus sized section.... except it all appears to be Maternity. Its like the biggest damn maternity section I've ever seen outside an actual maternity store. I finally find a tiny rack w/ 4 suits.... except those are maternity too. WTF??

So I go find a sales person and ask where the Plus Size suits are. Answer: There are none.

I'm sorry, say what now?

There are no plus sized swim suits. In fact the only plus sized clothing in the whole store is one single rack of WORK OUT CLOTHES.

I asked the manager what was up. She was very proud and positive about the "brand new line they just got in!!" (The work out clothes) and apparently they're having problems with a supplier and contracts not working out right.

So I freaked out on FB and found some things out: Apparently Target has a problem with fat people. They just issued a public apology b/c one of their dresses that they had in skinny people size and plus size was labeled "Heather Grey" in little people sizes and "Manatee Grey" in Plus sizes. (I shit you not)

So if thats the reason why they had to suddenly cut ties with their supplier I can kinda get it, but really you only had ONE supplier for a clothing size that 40% of the population wears?? Somehow I can't see it ever happening that you'd just plain close shop on the skinny people section for a couple months while you get your shit together.

So I felt smacked. I felt insulted. I felt like I don't wanna shop there ever again (and I love me some Target). And now I get to go on a whole swim suit hunting expedition elsewhere. And so I cried.

My son is Autistic

Its official. We got the diagnosis today.

I'm still processing about it. I need to brain dump here so I can sleep.

My degree is in Psychology. I am extremely familiar with the diagnostic criterion for the Autism Spectrum. And yes for the last two years The Boy has been pinging my radar. I wondered. I told myself I was being paranoid. You do that. You over analyse everything. Every freshman psych student goes thru a phase where they become the psych equivalent of a hypochondriac and you have to tell yourself to shut up and you're just seeing things.

But sometimes you're right.

He started out so blissfully normal. Such a good, sweet, happy, cuddly baby boy (he is still a good sweet happy cuddly kid). Absolutely normal developmental track, a little ahead of the curve even. He used to make eye contact no problem. And try as I might I don't remember when he stopped.

It wasn't abrupt. I would have noticed. Just an odd quirk that turned into a phase that never ended and only got worse. The drawing. The refusal to use words. The clock obsession.

I remember thinking one time when I was holding my perfect baby boy how grateful I was that he didn't ping for anything on the spectrum and that I was grateful that I wouldn't have to deal with that with him. The crazy horrible voice in the back of my head wonders if this is punishment for that, that I didn't knock on wood or I was prideful and this is my punishment for hubris. Something stupid and equally batshit. But it whispers in the background like horrible little voices always do.

He's still perfect and I know this doesn't change who he is magically just b/c we have a name for things but in some ways it changes nothing and in others it changes everything.

I remember hearing how when you find out your child has a "disability" you go through a mourning phase because in some ways its a death.

Earlier today I had the thought: They're right. Its the death of the child that I thought I was raising. He is still my son, I still love him. I still think he hangs the moon and his spirit is still the same incredible little soul I have the privilege and honor to play the role of mortal mother to, but I wonder now about his potential in this life.

He's smart. Super, duper smart. The doctor was very optimistic about his long term outcome. But will he ever get married? Have a family? Be a father? Serve a mission? In this life? Now, I don't know. Eternally I know that nothing will be denied to him because of this. I know he's such an exceptional spirit that he doesn't have to be tested in the usual fashion.

But the odds of sending my son on his mission, watching him marry and having another daughter join our family and beautiful, gorgeous grandbabies, just got a whole lot smaller. It might happen, but it might not. And for that I mourn. B/c thats what I thought I was preparing him for. I remember picking his name and thinking, "It has a good ring to it. You could even see it across the bottom of the screen at General Conference. It would make a good General Authority Name."

The odds of that happening have diminished.

I had a friend in college. We will call him John. John was an awesome guy. Weird, but he is Aspergers (back when thats what you called it) and he was crazy smart but weird. Good friend. Constantly touched you if he was talking to you. Immature but nice. Aced every class he took in the engineering program (b/c they don't care if you're weird) and didn't even have to study but couldn't drive a car. They put him in the Corps and he thrived with the structure. He even got married (in my opinion the chick was a nutjob, no offense to John but she was and she would kinda have to be for them to work...) and they even had a kid or two but now they're divorced. I know divorce happens but I can't help but think it was all but inevitable in that case. And now the kids are left with a Dad that is an odd duck at the best of times and a nutjob for a mother.

I don't want that for my boy. I want the career track. I don't want him to wind up 20 years old and unable to function in the real world b/c he didn't go to college and he can't work with the public or get hired. I want him to use his marvelous intelligence and be as independent and successful as he can possibly be. Engineering will probably be an excellent fit. They don't care if you act funny (they all do there. I went to aTm. I would know...).

And now I look at The Girl. I look at her gorgeous, brilliant smile and I feel a tinge of fear. B/c I know now, that it doesn't matter. It doesn't really mean she's okay. I mean yes of course thats life and theres always a risk we could all die tomorrow, but this feels different. Hints of feeling cheated. He was perfect and in hindsight it was like a veil slowly coming down and I was helpless to stop it. Stop him from going away.  And I mean its Autism. You can't fight it. You can't fix it or cure it. I didn't cause it. Theres nothing I could have done differently.

So so gradual. "Wow he loves to color" to "That kid just spent 20 solid minutes coloring" ... " an hour" ... "two hours"... "He colored all afternoon today"...  "Is that normal? But wow he's so talented. You can actually tell what that is"...

... He's being a snot and he's started ignoring me when I talk to him. I have to tell him to look at me... He's just so focused on his task I have to tell him to look when he's talking to me, Mommy is deaf and needs to read your lips and he doesn't get it. ... I have to turn off the TV to get him to respond... I have to grab his chin and order him to look at me to get him to make eye contact...

He still does make great eye contact sometimes, but usually when its just us and he looks at me with those big gorgeous soulful brown eyes and that incandescent smile and I'm so grateful I'm his Mommy.

If it has to be The Spectrum I'm grateful its the high end. It could be so much worse. Its not like he's dead. Its just a big mental shift b/c now its official.

My son has Autism.

Mormon Rant #451

*Trigger Warning: This topic may contain triggers for certain individuals, such as those with PTSD, please proceed with caution*

Annnnnndddddd we're back!

Hi! I've missed you dearly. We are finally moved to Texas and SLOWLY getting settled in and some of the larger dragons slain.

I need to rant for a moment.

Two things kinda lead up to this rant. Its happened to me several times in recent history that I've whined about something on FB and some helpful person tries to tell me how I should really be grateful for this thing b/c other people don't get to have this problem so smile and be glad.

Maybe if I were a better person that would give me a reality check and I'd take a step back and go "Really, they're right. In the grand scheme of things this is nothing and I should be more grateful." But b/c I am me and I clearly have more growing to do, I just get ticked and wanna flip them off.

If they can come at it tongue in cheek and make me laugh they might have a shot but mostly I just feel condescended to and chastised. To me it comes out, "Sure you have a eat a shit sundae but there are starving children in Africa so you should just eat it and be grateful".

Somehow that doesn't improve my outlook. At all.

The second half of what spawned this rant happened at church and so the Mormon side is gonna be on full display so if thats not your thing, here's your fair warning. I will attempt to explain as I go.

The church teaches that we lived with God as his spirit children before we came to this earth and were born. We don't remember this time at all but several important things happen. This period is commonly called "The Preexistence". I think its helpful to know about. However, there is a great deal of what I call "Mormon Folk Doctrine" on this topic, probably b/c there is so little hard and fast information available on it (comparatively speaking).

Now Mormon Folk Doctrine is a pernicious little weed imo. It used to be a SERIOUS problem. We try hard in the church to keep the doctrine as consistent as humanly possible. With 15 million members this is a challenge but its nice to know that no matter where I go in the whole world, we will all be getting taught out of the same manual (albeit translated into the local language). We even have a committee called the "Correlation Committee" whose job it is to try to make sure that anything that gets printed with the church's name on it, is in fact, legit church doctrine.

This is b/c when I was a kid, people used to teach Folk Doctrine like it was The Gospel for reals and 90% of their lesson came from their own heads. You got some wacky crap that way. Now days they've completely redone the manuals and they STRONGLY encourage you to Stick. To. The. Manual. and not go hunting for "outside material". There's a reason people. *nods*

But so, having taught about the Preexistence several times as a teacher, and heard about it even more as a student, its one of those topics almost guaranteed to bring out the Folk Doctrine in force. I generally just grit my teeth and bear it. But this Sunday the question was: "How does knowing about the Preexistence help you in your daily life?"

And one of the sisters raised her hand and mentioned a VERY popular piece of what I believe to be Folk Doctrine (I can't swear it is but I'm reasonably sure I've never seen it in print from the Correlation Committee and I know its NEVER been in any of my lesson manuals when I've taught) - the basic idea is "When you were in the Preexistence - you were told every challenge you were going to have in this life and you happily agreed to it".

That doctrine ticks me off 75% of the time.

It just rubs me wrong. It does not help me feel better one little bit. I raised my hand and said so and then pointed out something else that knowing about the Preexistence DOES help me feel better about (so I wasn't just being combative and was REALLY answering the question...).

But its been stuck in my head and then the FB thing happened again tonight and I started talking about it with my sister. And here's my take on the subject:

I think we knew some things. I think we probably knew our families before we came down here. And I think we probably got something along the lines of a mission call.

Here in our church when you serve a mission, you don't pick where you go, you go where you are called. For this reason, receiving your call is a BIG fricking deal. People gather whole families and friends to open it up and find out WHERE some one is going. And it varies dramatically.

I was called to serve in North Carolina. Physically, it was a less demanding mission. I had air conditioning, a car, safe food and water and plenty of it and Walmart. My buddy served in Guatemala and lived in a tin shack and climbed mountains for two years. Extremely physically demanding, physically much harder than my mission. My mission was harder than his in different ways though. His people were so much more humble and teachable. He baptized dozens. The people I taught that got baptized were much fewer and further between.

I knew when I got my call a bit about the people I was going to go see, I had a rough idea of what I would be doing, but I was definitely missing the daily details and a lot of the challenges, even if I had heard something about them, were an entirely different experience when I actually got in there face to face with them. But I went for it knowing that it was what my Heavenly Father, who loves me dearly and wants what is best for me, wanted me to do. I knew that as long as I did what I ought to be doing, I would be cared for and it would work out okay in the long run, even if it meant something scary like my death. I just had to have faith and jump in there.

I think this mortal life is a lot like that. I think we got a mission call. You're going to be born to this family, in this time and this place. I think perhaps those with special challenges like serious disabilities might have been told that was going to be their lot ("You are such a strong and special spirit that you don't need to be tried and tested by sin like your brothers and sisters, instead you will have physical challenges, but your sweet spirit will shine through and be a shining lesson and example to those around you who will have many opportunities to receive blessings by providing years of service caring for you") something a long those lines.

What I have a serious problem with, and what makes my blood boil, is when I've seen that idea taken, I think too far, and I've seen it happen that someone throws it in the face of someone with hellish experiences, such as my friend who was repeatedly molested, for years. "Well you chose to go through that" or " You accepted those challenges with joy".

Um, no. I don't think so. I don't think that's how it works. I think that was something dependent on another persons agency and how they hideously abused it. I think that this is where the Atonement comes in. Thats the miracle of the Gospel, is that even something that horrific, can in the eternities, be healed. That God allows these things to happen to good people so that his judgements can be just. So that when Judgement happens its not "I'm sorry, you didn't actually do the bad thing b/c I stopped you, but you would have so, no eternal salvation for you,  but you just have to take my word for it". No thats not how it works, to be just He has to allow them their actions and their consequences. But because He is also merciful, He can and will heal the wronged. It may not happen in this life but it will happen.

I think maybe they were warned that some bad things may happen as a result of other peoples choices, but they just had to trust that the Lord loves them and He knows the end from the beginning so you trust in the mercy of your God that He can heal anything and someday it will balance out. I don't think they got told "Your are going to live through a horror movie" and they went "Yay!"

I don't think God is a genie or a snake oil sales man, who sold you on these horrific things, that you had no clue what you were agreeing to. I think He told you bad things might happen if people in your life don't chose to do right, and you might be badly hurt but that He loves you, that there will be a purpose, and that He promised He could heal you.

I know this same friend has expressed concern for her poor children who have had to deal with the consequences of growing up with a mother who did have so much damage, and when faced with the idea of, "They picked their families", she just goes "Clearly, they had no clue what they were really agreeing to". I think they're both right there. No they didn't REALLY know. But I think they probably had it explained that their mother was a woman with an extraordinary spirit, that while damaged, was amazingly good and wonderful and that they would help her heal and she would teach them about strength. Because that woman is strong. She's one of the strongest people I know. I am in awe of her and honored to be her friend.

So no, they may not have known what they were getting into, but they knew her heart and that she was worth the effort. I have people in my life who are the same to me. It can be rough loving them, but they have the best heart I've ever known so we keep going and its worth it.

So basically, don't smack me with trite sayings about how I should be grateful for my challenges. You might be right, but its not helpful. At least not to me. I know I've finally managed to move past a challenge and learned what I needed to learn when I look back and I can go "Yes I learned x, y and z, and I'm actually grateful this thing happened b/c I really needed to learn that" but given its ZERO fun when you're in the middle of it, don't tell me that b/c I'll just tell you to bite me.

Like wise, don't smack a person who is going through an epically hard thing by saying "Oh you knew it would happen and you accepted it" b/c I really don't think that's always the case. In fact I think you may be dead wrong.

I Swear I Haven't Forgotten You

Hi Chocolate Fans!

This isn't a real post. This is just a quick note to tell you I desperately want to write a real post. I've got a solid dozen in my head right now. The issue is that I decided to start a new blog in the middle of the Christmas season, with 2 small children, while prepping for a move.

Why yes I do have a superb sense of timing. *head desk*

So I love you. There is more coming, I promise. Its just right now I can blog or sleep and I'm only getting about 5 hours of broken sleep night thanks to The Girl Child, so, please, forgive me.

Random side note - I wouldn't mind running a small bakery type something. Just like out of my home on the side. I have no desire to be a full time professional baker and make 5 million little pastry somethings and get up in the wee hours to make bread. But I could have fun doing it as a side gig. Maybe seasonally? Right now I make an amazing loaf of french bread (so insanely easy. I'll share sometime I promise). I've nailed 3 different varieties of chocolate cake. I also make a couple other crazy good cakes. My chocolate chip cookies are amazing. I just mastered sugar cookies (Yes its a sugar cookie actually worth eating). I've got several others as well but there are a few things I need to work on (like cake decorating).

Yes I'm very humble. But I am a serious baked goods snob. I come from a line of truly amazing cooks and I've realized I'm incredibly spoiled in this area. It has to be worth the calories or I just won't eat it. I can count the number of times I've had cake from a pro bakery that I felt was worth the calories and I would eat it again, on my fingers. And I have rave reviews from my tasters and I've lost count of the number of times I've been told I could sell my food. Or been begged for the recipe. So I've decided its not just me and its important to recognize your talents. So I just say it like it is.

So yeah. It would be so fun but I wouldn't want to do it full time or I think it would cease to be fun. Ya know?

Anyway I need to get to bed before The Girl Child wakes again. But I will be back. I promise.

Dietary Supplements

Do you know what really burns my biscuits? That the FDA doesn't regulate supplements at all. Did you know that? They don't. I personally think its state sponsored fraud b/c in no other business can you sell one thing and call it something completely different.

Seriously. Those vitamins you just spent all that money for? They could be sugar pills.

How is this legal?? I will tell you why. B/c the businesses have lobbied for it to be legal.

Now HALF of their argument makes sense to me. See FDA oversight usually comes in two parts - they make sure the box contains what the labels says it contains and they make sure the pills do what they claim to do and aren't dangerous. Does this pill really work better than a sugar pill? Yes. They've done studies to prove it.

See the reason why prescription medications cost so much is because while the second pill might only cost the company a nickel to make, that first pill cost them 10 million dollars. That's why they get exclusive rights for years before the generic becomes available. They have to make their money back.

Clinical trials ain't cheap people and asking the vitamin manufacturers to spend for the research to prove that the ingredients actually do what they claim they do would put most of them out of business. All for a compound they can't even patent.

Okay. That I respect. I'm not asking for clinical trials to give me detailed half life information and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that this pill, say red yeast rice, really does help lower cholesterol.

BUT what I cannot condone is that something that I eat, doesn't have to be labeled correctly. If it claims theres 500 mg of the active ingredient, by golly I want there to be 500 mg of the active ingredient.

Now some higher quality supplements do get themselves certified by an independent lab. Almost all of them claim they do on the label but they don't specify who that lab is and theres no way to know if its a legit business. Thats why I try very hard to only buy USP certified supplements because its a large, well known outfit with a good reputation and you can find their very distinctive logo on the sides of many supplements. I like that. It helps me feel confident that what I am buying is what it says it is.

But sometimes you can't find a certain compound in USP certified. Thats when I just have to stick to a name brand with a good reputation and hope they're honest across the board. And fall back on the old rule that if you can't tell if the vitamin is making a difference, its probably not.

For example, I started taking CoQ10 a few years ago at the direction of my neurologist. The first bottle I got was USP certified and man that pill was awesome. Not only did it dramatically decrease the incidence of my migraines, it gave me a ton of energy. I was thrilled.

Pictured: The Good Pill

But one day I ran out of those pills and was in a hurry and didn't have time to go to Costco to get more, so I snagged Spring Valley CoQ10 at Walmart...

Pictured: The Evil Pill

It did nothing for me. Right away I missed the energy boost and after a couple weeks, my migraines were back with a venegence. I threw the bottle out and went back to my Trunature. 

That shouldn't happen. If I buy a box of Wheat Thins or a bottle of Tylenol, I know whats going to be inside. Its not going to be wood shavings or sugar pills. That would be fraud. This needs to change people. 

I'm not asking for expensive clinical trials. I'm asking for basic laboratory oversight. They randomly screen samples. If those samples do not contain what the labels claim the company can face fraud charges and fines. I think thats only fair to hold them to the same standards we expect from every other business. 

So ... who is with me? 

Bummer

So I'm totally bummed out about something and I can't whine in any public forum but this one (b/c its anonymous) b/c I'm paranoid about announcing that I'm going to be out of town on the internet. I think its really just asking for trouble personally to announce when you're gone.

Long story short - We are gonna go home to see my folks for Christmas! YAY! That part thrills my socks off. Seriously. SO. EXCITED.

The bummer is that b/c we are going out of town for Christmas... We aren't getting a Christmas tree this year. And that makes me a sad panda.

I really want one. I'm jealous of all my friends who are posting pictures to FB of their gorgeous, happy, decorated trees and I want one real bad. But we are leaving town so its stupid to get one. Except that it makes me sad that I don't have one. lol. But we are broke so the mature, responsible thing to do is not to get one.

*pouts like the small child I really am*

Also I seriously need to put up Christmas decorations even if we don't have a tree b/c its amazing how the pumpkins and fall decor that delighted me for the past two months instantly become depressing the first day of December. My family traditionally decorated the weekend after Thanksgiving and got our tree the first weekend of Dec at the latest.

Also I'm skeerd of my weigh in tonight. I've been doing Weight Watchers to lose weight and making great progress the last month that I've been back post baby. But this last week was bad. Very, very bad.

Not only was it Thanksgiving but it was Hanukkah with my inlaws. Three large holiday meals that I had zero menu control over. I actually did pretty good staying on track for Turkey Day but then both MILs (I have two bc The Hub's folks are divorced and the FIL has remarried) were too tired to cook a big dinner and so did take out. And then bc of x, y, and z I showed up to both meals starving which is never good for my self control and was faced with pizza, salad and pie at one and ribs, quesadillas, salad and cheesecake at the other. It was bad. It was very, very bad.

And so I'm very scared of the scale and rather depressed about gaining which logically makes me want to go eat a gallon of ice cream and chase that down with a pound or two of cookie dough. I haven't yet... but I want to.

Am I the only one subject to this logic? What positive coping mechanisms do y'all use? Ideas to make me feel better about the no Christmas tree thing?

My Favorite Thing about eBooks

So when the eReader concept was first introduced years ago I NEVER thought I would be come a fan. I'm just so in love with my lovely, lovely paper books. I like the way they smell. Theres just something magical about book stores. And I just luuuuurve the good old fashion dead tree books.

And then we were given a Kindle and an Amazon gift card for Christmas one year. And well... it would be rude not to use the thing right?? And I discovered the joys of instant delivery of the next book in the series at 3 am when I finished the previous title and I NEED to know what happens NEXT. OMG.

And then I discovered that my book cases were FULL. Like full full. We even weeded out and donated bunches and bunches of books and we still have not enough room. We have 5 of the really big Billy bookcases from Ikea. My little house is full. I have ZERO room for more book cases due to the greedy small children and their 5 million toys and gear sucking up all the extra room in my house. And thus I reached this terrifying conclusion:

I have no room to buy more books. *GASP*

This represents crisis in my world b/c the one thing I love more than actual books is READING said books. And I love to reread my titles many times. In fact I rarely buy a book now days that I don't intend to read multiple times. Otherwise I'll just check it out from the library and move on with my life.

So since never buying another book was not an option, getting rid of the children isn't happening either and I can't afford to buy a larger house I need a way to buy new books that doesn't require shelf space. Enter the Kindle Store Stage Right.

Now to be clear we no longer have a Kindle (the hand held reader produced by Amazon). Our first one mysteriously died at 11 months old. So Amazon replaced it b/c it was less than a year old. Then our second one died THE EXACT SAME WAY and it was in my possession at the time and I swear to you I did NOTHING mean to it. But this time it was 13 months old so Kindle refused to replace it but offered me a discount on a new reader. For the low, low price of like 80 bucks they'd give me another one. And I decided they were insane if I was gonna pay them 80 bucks for a device that only lasts a year. I have a smart phone. The Kindle reader app is free. I now just read my books on my phone that is permanently glued to my side anyways and life is very happy.

But this doesn't tell you what my favorite thing is about eBooks.

My very favorite thing about eBooks is that I don't have to be seen in public reading books with hideously embarrassing covers. *nods*

I have in the last couple years discovered that I adore Urban Fantasy. I love it. Its fantastic.

The covers almost with out exception make me crazy. One of my very favorite series of all time is the Cat and Bones books by Jeaniene Frost (disclaimer: they have very graphic smexy scenes at least once a book. If this offends you don't read it or just skim that part). I am so very thankful that I didn't see the covers on that series BEFORE I read them because I may not have read them at all. Yes I am a bad person and I'm extremely visual and my initial judgement takes a lot for me to get over. So if the cover repels me, it will take some serious convincing from a source I trust for me to move past it and read the book anyways.

I know that you can't judge a book by its cover. I learned this many, many years ago. It really got hammered home the first time I read "Archangel" by Sharon Shinn. Its one of my all time favorite sci-fi/fantasy novels. Its fantastic. I love it. I. Hate. The. Cover. I hate it with the passion of a thousand suns. I hate it so much one of my dear friends sewed me a cover for it after hearing me complain about it, just so I wouldn't have to look at it ever again and I have been oh so grateful. lol

I have issues.

But so it just makes me grateful every time one of my favorite Urban Fantasy authors does another cover reveal and its once again heinous, that I don't ever have to see the cover again if I don't want to and that (even more importantly) I don't have to be seen in public to read such a hideously embarrassing cover b/c people would judge me and I wouldn't blame them.