*Trigger Warning: This topic may contain triggers for certain individuals, such as those with PTSD, please proceed with caution*
Annnnnndddddd we're back!
Hi! I've missed you dearly. We are finally moved to Texas and SLOWLY getting settled in and some of the larger dragons slain.
I need to rant for a moment.
Two things kinda lead up to this rant. Its happened to me several times in recent history that I've whined about something on FB and some helpful person tries to tell me how I should really be grateful for this thing b/c other people don't get to have this problem so smile and be glad.
Maybe if I were a better person that would give me a reality check and I'd take a step back and go "Really, they're right. In the grand scheme of things this is nothing and I should be more grateful." But b/c I am me and I clearly have more growing to do, I just get ticked and wanna flip them off.
If they can come at it tongue in cheek and make me laugh they might have a shot but mostly I just feel condescended to and chastised. To me it comes out, "Sure you have a eat a shit sundae but there are starving children in Africa so you should just eat it and be grateful".
Somehow that doesn't improve my outlook. At all.
The second half of what spawned this rant happened at church and so the Mormon side is gonna be on full display so if thats not your thing, here's your fair warning. I will attempt to explain as I go.
The church teaches that we lived with God as his spirit children before we came to this earth and were born. We don't remember this time at all but several important things happen. This period is commonly called "The Preexistence". I think its helpful to know about. However, there is a great deal of what I call "Mormon Folk Doctrine" on this topic, probably b/c there is so little hard and fast information available on it (comparatively speaking).
Now Mormon Folk Doctrine is a pernicious little weed imo. It used to be a SERIOUS problem. We try hard in the church to keep the doctrine as consistent as humanly possible. With 15 million members this is a challenge but its nice to know that no matter where I go in the whole world, we will all be getting taught out of the same manual (albeit translated into the local language). We even have a committee called the "Correlation Committee" whose job it is to try to make sure that anything that gets printed with the church's name on it, is in fact, legit church doctrine.
This is b/c when I was a kid, people used to teach Folk Doctrine like it was The Gospel for reals and 90% of their lesson came from their own heads. You got some wacky crap that way. Now days they've completely redone the manuals and they STRONGLY encourage you to Stick. To. The. Manual. and not go hunting for "outside material". There's a reason people. *nods*
But so, having taught about the Preexistence several times as a teacher, and heard about it even more as a student, its one of those topics almost guaranteed to bring out the Folk Doctrine in force. I generally just grit my teeth and bear it. But this Sunday the question was: "How does knowing about the Preexistence help you in your daily life?"
And one of the sisters raised her hand and mentioned a VERY popular piece of what I believe to be Folk Doctrine (I can't swear it is but I'm reasonably sure I've never seen it in print from the Correlation Committee and I know its NEVER been in any of my lesson manuals when I've taught) - the basic idea is "When you were in the Preexistence - you were told every challenge you were going to have in this life and you happily agreed to it".
That doctrine ticks me off 75% of the time.
It just rubs me wrong. It does not help me feel better one little bit. I raised my hand and said so and then pointed out something else that knowing about the Preexistence DOES help me feel better about (so I wasn't just being combative and was REALLY answering the question...).
But its been stuck in my head and then the FB thing happened again tonight and I started talking about it with my sister. And here's my take on the subject:
I think we knew some things. I think we probably knew our families before we came down here. And I think we probably got something along the lines of a mission call.
Here in our church when you serve a mission, you don't pick where you go, you go where you are called. For this reason, receiving your call is a BIG fricking deal. People gather whole families and friends to open it up and find out WHERE some one is going. And it varies dramatically.
I was called to serve in North Carolina. Physically, it was a less demanding mission. I had air conditioning, a car, safe food and water and plenty of it and Walmart. My buddy served in Guatemala and lived in a tin shack and climbed mountains for two years. Extremely physically demanding, physically much harder than my mission. My mission was harder than his in different ways though. His people were so much more humble and teachable. He baptized dozens. The people I taught that got baptized were much fewer and further between.
I knew when I got my call a bit about the people I was going to go see, I had a rough idea of what I would be doing, but I was definitely missing the daily details and a lot of the challenges, even if I had heard something about them, were an entirely different experience when I actually got in there face to face with them. But I went for it knowing that it was what my Heavenly Father, who loves me dearly and wants what is best for me, wanted me to do. I knew that as long as I did what I ought to be doing, I would be cared for and it would work out okay in the long run, even if it meant something scary like my death. I just had to have faith and jump in there.
I think this mortal life is a lot like that. I think we got a mission call. You're going to be born to this family, in this time and this place. I think perhaps those with special challenges like serious disabilities might have been told that was going to be their lot ("You are such a strong and special spirit that you don't need to be tried and tested by sin like your brothers and sisters, instead you will have physical challenges, but your sweet spirit will shine through and be a shining lesson and example to those around you who will have many opportunities to receive blessings by providing years of service caring for you") something a long those lines.
What I have a serious problem with, and what makes my blood boil, is when I've seen that idea taken, I think too far, and I've seen it happen that someone throws it in the face of someone with hellish experiences, such as my friend who was repeatedly molested, for years. "Well you chose to go through that" or " You accepted those challenges with joy".
Um, no. I don't think so. I don't think that's how it works. I think that was something dependent on another persons agency and how they hideously abused it. I think that this is where the Atonement comes in. Thats the miracle of the Gospel, is that even something that horrific, can in the eternities, be healed. That God allows these things to happen to good people so that his judgements can be just. So that when Judgement happens its not "I'm sorry, you didn't actually do the bad thing b/c I stopped you, but you would have so, no eternal salvation for you, but you just have to take my word for it". No thats not how it works, to be just He has to allow them their actions and their consequences. But because He is also merciful, He can and will heal the wronged. It may not happen in this life but it will happen.
I think maybe they were warned that some bad things may happen as a result of other peoples choices, but they just had to trust that the Lord loves them and He knows the end from the beginning so you trust in the mercy of your God that He can heal anything and someday it will balance out. I don't think they got told "Your are going to live through a horror movie" and they went "Yay!"
I don't think God is a genie or a snake oil sales man, who sold you on these horrific things, that you had no clue what you were agreeing to. I think He told you bad things might happen if people in your life don't chose to do right, and you might be badly hurt but that He loves you, that there will be a purpose, and that He promised He could heal you.
I know this same friend has expressed concern for her poor children who have had to deal with the consequences of growing up with a mother who did have so much damage, and when faced with the idea of, "They picked their families", she just goes "Clearly, they had no clue what they were really agreeing to". I think they're both right there. No they didn't REALLY know. But I think they probably had it explained that their mother was a woman with an extraordinary spirit, that while damaged, was amazingly good and wonderful and that they would help her heal and she would teach them about strength. Because that woman is strong. She's one of the strongest people I know. I am in awe of her and honored to be her friend.
So no, they may not have known what they were getting into, but they knew her heart and that she was worth the effort. I have people in my life who are the same to me. It can be rough loving them, but they have the best heart I've ever known so we keep going and its worth it.
So basically, don't smack me with trite sayings about how I should be grateful for my challenges. You might be right, but its not helpful. At least not to me. I know I've finally managed to move past a challenge and learned what I needed to learn when I look back and I can go "Yes I learned x, y and z, and I'm actually grateful this thing happened b/c I really needed to learn that" but given its ZERO fun when you're in the middle of it, don't tell me that b/c I'll just tell you to bite me.
Like wise, don't smack a person who is going through an epically hard thing by saying "Oh you knew it would happen and you accepted it" b/c I really don't think that's always the case. In fact I think you may be dead wrong.
