Today Target Made Me Cry

The first nail in the coffin of my weight loss was having to pack my kitchen for the move. Thus entered Way Too Much Fast Food. Then I moved and my stress level was through the stratosphere the last two months and I've been insanely busy and I'm just now starting to breathe well enough to start to be able to take care of me. I've not gone to any of my Weight Watchers meetings since we moved b/c I knew if I was tracking points then I'd have to stop stress eating and I couldn't afford to not stress eat b/c I couldn't do any of my healthy stress options b/c my top 4 ways to deal w/ my stress in POSITIVE ways are:

1. Work Out
2. Garden
3. Make Jewelry
4. Hang out with Girlfriends

And I've been either too busy or too broke to do any of the above! So I've been eating (b/c it was that or have a complete break down and cease to function). This is the problem with a food addiction. The second I stop tracking every damn thing that goes in my mouth, its like an alcoholic going on a bender. And I know its so bad and I hate like hell that I have gained so much weight. I've gained back everything I lost when I was pregnant. I'm 9 pounds away from my heaviest weight ever.

The state of my mental health can best be described as: Not Good.

So I'm trying to stop it. I'm trying to make healthier choices. I've been praying hard. I NEED to exercise. I realized my only pair of tennis shoes was literally coming apart at the seams so I finally spent some of my stashed birthday money and got my first new pair in over 10 years. But my joints are hurting so badly from the extra weight and I'm so badly out of shape from being on bed rest forever with this pregnancy that I really feel like I need to start out in the water.

Problem: I can't find my stupid swimsuit anywhere. I can't figure out what happened to it. Crap. I remember seeing that bag and going "We are going to want these for sure and soon" and then I think I put them "some place safe" which means we may never see them again.... *head desk* Well, my suit was 3 years old anyways and starting to look a little ragged in the hindquarters, I should just get a new one.

So given my delicate mental state atm, I pep talked myself into going swim suit shopping. Alone. With nobody for moral support. But if I waited for moral support it would take even longer. I told myself its not going to be that bad, I will just go to Target, I got my last 3 swim suits there. Odds are it will be fine and I can find something and just try not to cry too much when you look in the mirror in the dressing room.

So then I get to Target. And I start looking. There's a huge swim suit section. Its the size of my living room! Sweet! ... except its all skinny people sized. Crap. Okay, lets find the women's section.

So I go find the Plus sized section.... except it all appears to be Maternity. Its like the biggest damn maternity section I've ever seen outside an actual maternity store. I finally find a tiny rack w/ 4 suits.... except those are maternity too. WTF??

So I go find a sales person and ask where the Plus Size suits are. Answer: There are none.

I'm sorry, say what now?

There are no plus sized swim suits. In fact the only plus sized clothing in the whole store is one single rack of WORK OUT CLOTHES.

I asked the manager what was up. She was very proud and positive about the "brand new line they just got in!!" (The work out clothes) and apparently they're having problems with a supplier and contracts not working out right.

So I freaked out on FB and found some things out: Apparently Target has a problem with fat people. They just issued a public apology b/c one of their dresses that they had in skinny people size and plus size was labeled "Heather Grey" in little people sizes and "Manatee Grey" in Plus sizes. (I shit you not)

So if thats the reason why they had to suddenly cut ties with their supplier I can kinda get it, but really you only had ONE supplier for a clothing size that 40% of the population wears?? Somehow I can't see it ever happening that you'd just plain close shop on the skinny people section for a couple months while you get your shit together.

So I felt smacked. I felt insulted. I felt like I don't wanna shop there ever again (and I love me some Target). And now I get to go on a whole swim suit hunting expedition elsewhere. And so I cried.